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Respect
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Written by (Guest Writers)   
Thursday, 06 July 2006 00:00

Before I ‘discovered’ myself, I embarked on several relationships with men. Two became more serious while others were just dates that I went on. I was never unhappy with men but I was never quite complete. Something felt amiss. Like when we kissed, that spark wasn’t there. I’d often mused on this and deep down inside, I knew the reason for this. I tried really hard to supress these feelings. So much so that I was unhappy. It took me a lot to finally pluck up the courage and come out to my best friend. She is somebody I had known since I was 10. Her sms to me was simple – “It is okay. I still love you.” Then, after 5 minutes, I got another sms that said – “You’re my first gay best friend! Yay!”. I was grateful and thankful …

But I digress. So, I was talking to an ex. We keep in touch via the Internet as he is now in Canada pursuing his career. We talk regularly as regular as exes do. He is prolly the only ex bf that knows about me being with a girl. His response is always similar – that I am living out every male fantasy; to watch two girls making out would be ultra fabulous. At first, I found it amusing that he’d say that but when that statement is made again and again, I felt belittled. Did he just refer to my gf and I as a sexual fantasy?

It pains me to think that all men (straight men) think about when it comes to two girls being together is how good it’d be to get these two girls in bed. With them, mind you. How watching these two girls would ‘get them off’. Do they not realise that apart from that sexual image that is etched in their minds, there is love, trust, unity, longing for each other? All elements of a healthy relationship existing in this relationship as well?

My ex has even gone so far as to suggest a threesome. At that point, I felt like I had to put a stop to things. I told him quite gently and patiently that yes, I am going out with a girl whom I am deeply in love with and yes, perhaps it is a thought that is quite sexy and erotic in nature. However, this sexiness and eroticness is only to be kept between her and I in the bedroom or wherever else we decide to do it *grin* That I would never want to share my baby with anybody else, really. To engage in a threesome would taint the sanctity of our relationship. To engage in a threesome with an ex to satisfy his sexual fantasy would degrade my present relationship with my love.

I think people should be a little more respectful towards others. If you do that with straight people… why not with me and my girl. We deserve that same respect too.

Last Updated on Tuesday, 16 February 2010 17:03
 

Comments   

 
# humphh 2010-02-02 02:51
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humph said,

July 6, 2006 at 4:17 pm

i have straight male friends who are perfectly respectful. your ex is carrying on a joke too far. i wouldn’t psychoanalyse him, you’ll probably understand him better.
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# wwaterbaby 2010-02-02 02:52
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waterbaby said,

July 6, 2006 at 6:52 pm

this is a sweet story!! it just serves to reinforce that gals like gals for many reasons, and not because they had ‘bad’ experiences with guys or that they don’t attract guys …

i do agree with the writer that alot of male don’t get the full depth of a girl-girl relationship, they are just looking at it from a purely sexual point of view. i for one have not told any male about my inclination towards females & somehow i don’t feel that i can trust any of my male friends around me to share this info with them..
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# lublubb 2010-02-02 02:52
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lublub said,

July 6, 2006 at 9:52 pm

Actually waterbaby, not all men are like that. I have straight guy friends who understand why I like girls and its not just becos of sex.

The only way u’ll find out if they can be so understanding is if you give them a try, and tell them! =D
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# iimperfectlyme 2010-02-02 02:53
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imperfectlyme said,

July 6, 2006 at 10:28 pm

you’re all right. not all guys are like that. there are some who are completely respectful when it comes to girl-girl relationships and I appreciate that a lot. However, I’m only speaking from one experience with an ex and this is how he looks at it.
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# humphh 2010-02-02 02:53
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humph said,

July 7, 2006 at 12:39 am

it could be because he’s an ex, you know? some issue that’s unresolved or something.
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# wwaterbaby 2010-02-02 02:53
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waterbaby said,

July 7, 2006 at 1:40 am

i am sure there are exceptions to the rule, that some guys are pefectly understanding about girl-girl relationships.. just that those around me at the moment probably won’t, judging from their comments on gay/les people that they see around .. however, in the past, i have known guys who i feel might be accepting of gay/les people, but of course i did not come out to them at that point in time… well, there is always the one guy who might surprise you with their sensitivity..
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# iImperfectlyMe 2010-02-02 02:53
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ImperfectlyMe said,

July 7, 2006 at 2:29 pm

waterbaby.
i know what you mean. some of my friends are the same. their comments are tactless and they kinda give the vibe that they’re not really understanding about these issues so, i never broach them about it either.
to each his/her own, really. i am lucky to have a close knit of friends whom i can be myself with. that’s more than i can ask for.
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# wwaterbaby 2010-02-02 02:53
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waterbaby said,

July 8, 2006 at 6:39 pm

imperfectlyMe,
Your so lucky ! and should really appreciate having the close knit of friends around you..
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