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To Date or not to date?
Articles - Relationships
Saturday, 19 August 2006 00:00

It has been quite a long time since I wrote on Sayoni. During my absence here, I completed a screenplay and worked hard at my new job. Though I spent many hours writing after work and halted my social life, I did not feel the urge to ask anyone out when I finished the long script. Despite the loneliness, I preferred to spend time alone, going to the movies and gym.

So here I thought, these outings alone were great training for the years to come if I should end up alone. Anyway, I am alone and I have no urge or whatsoever to date anybody.

 
Something I Can Never Have
Articles - Relationships
Written by lublub   
Thursday, 15 June 2006 00:00

Disclaimer: lublub is about to embark on a little love story. So if you do not like to read sappy writing which drips with melancholy. Please click sayoni forums where the keyboard action is.

Taken from http://www.geocities.com/minorka2/Hentranslationvol1part2.html

I’ve been watching your world from afar,
I’ve been trying to be where you are,
And I’ve been secretly falling apart,
I’ll see.

To me, you’re strange and you’re beautiful,
You’d be so perfect with me but you just can’t see,
You turn every head but you don’t see me.

'Strange And Beautiful' - by Aqualung

It's funny sometimes, how love changes your perspective of a person.

 

Last Updated on Thursday, 25 February 2010 17:14
 
Once I’ve loved
Articles - Relationships
Written by pure ego   
Thursday, 01 June 2006 00:00

For those who are big on jazz/bossa nova, you are right, I got the title from a song. Not just that, but I thought the title appropriate to what I would like to share.

Recently I fell for someone, of course nothing went according to what I had wished. Through the months I realised we probably aren’t compatible. Not just the fact she’s attached, but well, I probably liked her because I was feeling down. Nevertheless I met up with her not too long ago and that feeling came back again, but I halted it.

People are mostly frivolous and rather cheap in a sense. Well, I think at least I am. I had a relationship not too long ago, oh well maybe that was eight months ago. I did not treasure it in the beginning, but we improved a lot and I thought it was going the distance. Due to unforseen circumstances we had to part. After which I had all the symptoms of a break-up, feeling empty and well, had a rebound. Like I said I didn’t do anything about the rebound because she’s attached.

My ex knew about the rebound, she was angry at first. But she calmed down and ended up encouraging me. I knew it wasn’t out of vindictiveness. She told me she couldn’t guarantee me anything so why should she be angry?

Since our break up, she had been supportive, encouraging me all the way with whatever stage of life I am going through. I still remembered the time I bought my new flat, I brought her into my new home for the first time. The moment I closed the door and turned around, she was gone. I went to my bedroom and saw her standing there looking happy for me. I would speak in an alien language to her and she would reply in the same way. We communicated through the emotional tones in our voices everytime we spoke like that. It was funny. We would dance ourselves till we are tired in my room too. We did not have to see each other everyday. There was freedom and we could be ourselves as individuals.

Of course all those aren’t the only things that made me happy. Not that I am very sad having lost a great relationship, because I am really used to being single now.

We still talk quite a fair bit, I try to wish her good morning and night everyday. I wondered to myself, perhaps this is it. I’ll never love like this again. I guess I would wait for her, even though I might end up with nothing in the end.

It is silly probably. Who knows, a year from now we might not even speak anymore.

Last Updated on Tuesday, 16 February 2010 16:49
 
Take back the Night
Articles - Relationships
Written by immoralfear   
Wednesday, 24 May 2006 00:00

From : movetheclouds

When I first expressed intent to write about women assaulting women, I faced much objection from the community. I have been told point blank that this either does not exist, or does not happen often enough to be pertinent even after I shared my stories of various degrees of same sex abuse.

The few who do acknowledge this issue exists are afraid to voice it out under the flimsy excuse that the community is not ready.  To this, I say that there is never a good time to address thorny issues like these.  I am also told that it might give others the impression that lesbian relationships are dysfunctional.  Going by the same logic, are heterosexual pairings not equally screwed up, given the amount of media attention dedicated to men assaulting women?

Coming up with this article is not easy at all.  However, I believe that this issue needs to be brought out into the open.  By sweeping it under the carpet, we are revictimising those who have experienced some form of female assault, driving them further into their closets of repressed fear, guilt and shame.

Last Updated on Thursday, 25 February 2010 17:13
 
I say tomayto, you say tomahto…
Articles - Relationships
Written by Jin   
Monday, 22 May 2006 00:00


http://www.usfca.edu/counseling_center/groups.html

So… I’m standing in the rain, on the grass. At a political rally. Me, the epitome of political apathy. I’m here only because my girlfriend wanted to come, and she almost begged me to come with her. So I gave in. So, I’m here, wondering “What am I doing here?! Is this what it means to be a couple?” You see, we have vastly differing political views. In fact, I don’t even care about politics, whereas my girlfriend is the sort who feels such a high from the electric atmosphere at political rallies. That is just one of our many differences.

Another difference is the way in which we communicate. To me, every little word that is uttered provides its own little nuance, whereas she listens to the whole story and only remembers the summary of the main points. Believe me, this has caused countless arguments between us. From the same message, both of us can draw two conclusions. Actually this issue about communication causes the most problems. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not trying to say that relationships don’t have conflicts. It is perfectly fine for two people in a relationship to sometimes disagree or fight. But this idea in itself was a paradigm shift for me!

 

Last Updated on Tuesday, 16 February 2010 16:40
 
Being Single
Articles - Relationships
Written by pure ego   
Monday, 15 May 2006 00:00
What does it mean to be single? Single-hood to some means the in between relationships where we date and have numerous flings. While to others, it means to occupy time with friends and many social outings so as to be able to detect a potential partner for a relationship, yes just short of going out on an actual date. Then, there are the rest of us who devote most of our time meeting friends every now and then but concentrate on work and doing things alone.

Single-hood has a different meaning for me each time. The first was the fear of not being loved by anyone again. After all I had just discovered my sexuality and was lack of a direction. Then of course each time I was left single the aftermath feeling evolved. I would say age played a part too.

No prizes for guessing which kind of singles I belong to mentioned in the first paragraph of this article. Okay, if it is not obvious enough- yes I belong to the third kind.

 

Last Updated on Thursday, 25 February 2010 17:12
 
Love Extraordinary
Articles - Relationships
Written by AnJ   
Sunday, 30 April 2006 00:00
Dedicated to the two of you.

[You know who you are. =) ]

When I browse through the papers,
What do I see?
White teeth, flawless faces,
Smiling back at me.

They hold each other’s hands.
Gaze into each other’s eyes.
A man and a woman…
“By you i am mesmerized.”

But you, who go against the grain.
Taunted by a wilderness unknown.
You found someone. You stood your ground.
Heck societal’s disapproving tone!

Our love is true, you declared!
You love with incandescence.
A powerful love story you began to craft…
Even movies paled in comparison.

Then obstacles appeared…
Nothing seemed to be going for you.
One wave upon another,
To break up, you took that as a cue.

But oh don’t you see?
The coming together of two imperfect people,
Disappointments and differences
Mistakes and errors… are inevitable.

You said you wanted to let go;
But you couldn’t.
No- deep down somewhere, you believed
And that’s why you wouldn’t.

This is love:

Not that it was never scarred.
Not that foundations were never shaken.
Not that there were no differences.
Not that things don’t pose a challenge.

But that in spite of it all,
The love between you remains.
Strength in the midst of weaknesses;
And of courage and perseverence it paints.

A love extraordinary.
*I wish the two of you all the best.

 

Last Updated on Thursday, 25 February 2010 17:10
 
The Age Divide
Articles - Relationships
Written by pure ego   
Monday, 03 April 2006 00:00

This is a monthly column by Pureego, an ego bursting, movie maker, Gen-X bitch who needs to rant about films, love & life every now & then.

Being born in the 1970s, I grew up with a certain set of values and a way of seeing the world shaped by my upbringing, culture, and influenced by the friends I am surrounded. In my point of view, I am considered open-minded to a lot of things. I mean come on, I am part of the Gen-X; we are the cultural liberators and innovators! We crave and are open to freedom and are not chained to the stringent values and circumstances that our baby boomers parents were subjected.

Not to mention having come a long way to being more comfortable with my sexuality, and not flinching from the countless accounts of luscious love affairs which I have heard in the community.

But I forgot about the generation Y, a group of people whom I realise has grown up and will very soon take over what my generation has carved out for them. And recently, encounters with the generation Y has left me rather flabbergasted, that I might after all be a conservative oldie! GASPS!

First up, I must confess- Yes, I have not watched 'The L-Word'. Somehow that confession makes it feel as if it is a mortal sin for a gay person not to have caught the series in which the whole community has been raving on about.

So I met this rocker chick in her early twenties, who told me she watched 'The L-Word'. She empathised with most of the characters in the series and she even wrote a song on what one of the characters was feeling in the show. In my mind, I thought to myself, 'Is she gay?' Don't ask me why I never clarified with her.

 

Last Updated on Thursday, 25 February 2010 17:10
 
Valentine’s Day
Articles - Relationships
Written by sayoni   
Tuesday, 14 February 2006 00:00
Follow your heart… Love is not a crime….

*From a poster put up and designed by NUS Arts Club*

St. Valentine’s Story  Let me introduce myself.  My name is Valentine.  I lived in Rome during the third century.  That was long, long ago! At that time, Rome was ruled by an emperor named Claudius.  I didn’t like Emperor Claudius, and I wasn’t the only one! A lot of people shared my feelings.

Claudius wanted to have a big army.  He expected men to volunteer to join.  Many men just did not want to fight in wars.  They did not want to leave their wives and families.  As you might have guessed, not many men signed up.  This made Claudius furious.  So what happened? He had a crazy idea.  He thought that if men were not married, they would not mind joining the army.  So Claudius decided not to allow any more marriages.  Young people thought his new law was cruel.  I thought it was preposterous! I certainly wasn’t going to support that law! Did I mention that I was a priest? One of my favourite activities was to marry couples.  Even after Emperor Claudius passed his law, I kept on performing marriage ceremonies — secretly, of course.  It was really quite exciting.  Imagine a small candlelit room with only the bride and groom and myself.  We would whisper the words of the ceremony, listening all the while for the steps of soldiers.

One night, we did hear footsteps.  It was scary! Thank goodness the couple I was marrying escaped in time.  I was caught.  (Not quite as light on my feet as I used to be, I guess.) I was thrown in jail and told that my punishment was death. I tried to stay cheerful.  And do you know what? Wonderful things happened.  Many young people came to the jail to visit me.  They threw flowers and notes up to my window.  They wanted me to know that they, too, believed in love.

One of these young people was the daughter of the prison guard.  Her father allowed her to visit me in the cell.  Sometimes we would sit and talk for hours.  She helped me to keep my spirits up.  She agreed that I did the right thing by ignoring the Emperor and going ahead with the secret marriages.  On the day I was to die, I left my friend a little note thanking her for her friendship and loyalty.  I signed it, “Love from your Valentine.” I believe that note started the custom of exchanging love messages on Valentine’s Day.  It was written on the day I died, February 14, 269 A.D.  Now, every year on this day, people remember.  But most importantly, they think about love and friendship.  And when they think of Emperor Claudius, they remember how he tried to stand in the way of love, and they laugh — because they know that love can’t be beaten!

Taken from: http://www.pictureframes.co.uk/pages/saint_valentine.htm

 

Last Updated on Thursday, 25 February 2010 17:08
 
Contents of a Love Letter
Articles - Relationships
Written by peggy   
Wednesday, 25 January 2006 00:00

This is a monthly column on life journeys, matters of the heart and healthy emotional living by Peggy.

My darling Wen

It has been almost a year since you died. I miss you my darling, I miss holding your hand in mine, those long conversations as we walked along the beach, your strong comforting presence next to mine.

I remember how we first got to know each other in the drama & debating team. We became fast friends due to our similar interests – films, books and music. We mugged together for our first year exams; stayed up late cramming formulas and facts into our heads.

I never knew, never in my wildest dreams did I guess that I could be in love with a woman. It was the same for you too. But yet, the moment when we realized that our feelings for each other were more than best friends – it just felt so right; both of us agreed.

We were no different from other couples in school. We were happy and contented, and like other couples, made plans to study in the same university when we have completed our A levels.

Until that fateful day, a week after our prelims, when this group of people came to our school to give a talk about sexual health.

How I wished that group of people never came and never said those things! Ever since then, it was never the same again; we were never the same again.

They told us that our relationship was wrong, they said that it was not natural and the reason why we fell in love with each other was because we were either from broken families or we have had some childhood psychological trauma resulting in an unnatural romantic attraction towards the same gender.

They presented us with testimonials and statistics which showed that our kind of relationship is short-term & promiscuous in nature. They showed us more figures which proved that we will have a higher tendency to be emotionally disturbed, suffering from depression and even substance abuse.

At that point in time, with the intensity of the whole situation, it didn't occur to us that you were from a loving complete family and that for me, even though my parents had divorced when I was still a toddler, my eldest sister was happily married to a man.

We were bullied and cowed into submission, we were made to feel guilty for being together, for being the way we were; we started doubting ourselves, doubting each other, doubting us.

Together, we signed up for their support group. The onslaught of all these troubling emotions and thoughts confused us and burdened us, we wanted the hurt and the guilt to stop, we wanted to be happy again.

But my darling, it became worse didn't it? The support group was a gathering of people who were similarly broken in spirit, who wanted answers, who wanted the hurt to end. We desperately renounced our former lives; we clasped frantically to information which were supposed to help us live out our new ones – our proper lives.

It was a downward spiral that never seemed to end.

Even as we struggled to live out our proper lives, there were nights where we could only find the peace we looked for in each other's arms. Yet, the next morning we would be burdened ten times over by what we did the night before. How can something that feels so right be so wrong?

A few months went by and you did not want to wait for the hurting to stop anymore. You decided to take matters into your own hands.

They killed you my darling, they killed your spirit.

 

Last Updated on Thursday, 25 February 2010 17:07
 
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