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Written by Indu   
Saturday, 25 March 2006 00:00

'Ugh. Straight men!'

Sounds familiar? Of course it does: many of us would have said in the past, in the same tone we denounce religious bigots or a particularly distasteful barbarian tribe. Men are our enemies, men are our arch nemesis, out to steal our girlfriends and exploit us through pornography. Men are clueless idiots who have no idea how to please a girl [and of course, you can do it so much better, can't you?] and only think of their penises. Men think that lesbianism is a phase and that lesbians just haven't met the right man.

Of course, sadly, many of these stereotypes are true. But not always. I came out with the help of a STRAIGHT male friend, who had absolutely no problems with me being gay. It is fair to say without him, I wouldn't be here typing this, because I'd be deep in my closet.

Rationally, any one would know that not all men are male chauvinist homophobes. Sadly, though, many lesbians continue to persist in their misoandric ways, though irrational. We lambast gay men for being misogynistic, but what about our own prejudices? How many times have we derided penises, the way gay men deride vagina?

 


The main reason, of course, is that it is a defence mechanism against men who persist in believing that lesbian sex is second-rate [or that we can't have sex at all] It is the easy way out, to bash back at them, to justify your own choices. It is easy to point men as being insensitive clods, to highlight that two girls would be more sensitive to each other, and that two girls would know how to make better love. In essence, we claim that lesbian relationships are BETTER, and that straight relationships are duds.

Secondly, it is a manifestation of our insecurities. Decades of bad media portrayal and societal brain-washing have given us a certain inferiority complex, some amount of internalised homophobia which is difficult to get rid of. And of course, there is the perpetual fear of your girlfriend 'leaving you for a man', or 'turning straight'. This comes not from an inherent flaw in lesbian relationships, but our own insecurities, propagated by a patriarchal society. We virulently lash out against anything that might threaten our fragile [or so-perceived] world, held together by spit and ducktape against the homophobic world out there.

In essence, we behave like homophobes, who blast anything that threatens their nice little straight world, and relegate gay relationships as being second-class.

My question is: does it matter? If your girlfriend left you for a man, the reason probably isn't that lesbian relationships are lacking, it is that YOUR relationship was lacking in something, or that she simply wasn't a lesbian in the first place, in which case it is not you, but her. And is it much different from her leaving you for another woman? We criticise men for being angry if their girlfriend leaves them for another woman look in the mirror, lady, you are doing the same. But our insecurities take over our rational thinking, and we bring out the misoandric whips.

Heterophobia, biphobia or misoandry isn't the way to deal with homophobia or specifically lesbianophobia. It only reinforces the stereotype that we are all man-hating bull dykes. Why give the homophobes that satisfaction?

Last Updated on Tuesday, 16 February 2010 16:20
 

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# Mier 2010-02-02 03:26
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Mier said,

March 25, 2006 at 7:46 pm

I think most lesbians don’t have a problem befriending male straight guys. And i think it’s a tiny segment of the lesbian population who would hate their girls leaving them for a man (i.e. lesbians who identify as men) because it might make them feel inadequate as a man.

I am using man as gender here- Man does not equal male.

Perhaps our identity as a community comes into play as well. Like in any other group, there is always the in-group and the out-group. It’s ever so easy to blur the lines when you have such great disdain for a tiny proportion of the straight population (read homophobes)… that you “other” them i.e. make them as different from you as possible. So maybe it’s not just insecurity… maybe it’s also human nature to form groups and create in-groups and out-groups.
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# pleinelunee 2010-02-02 03:27
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pleinelune said,

March 25, 2006 at 9:59 pm

I wrote this because I am really sick of man-hating lesbians thrashing straight men, straight relationships and straight sex all the time. I get really angry when I see that, because if they don’t have the right to trash us, then what right do we have to trash them?
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# Mier 2010-02-02 03:27
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Mier said,

March 25, 2006 at 10:04 pm

Ya. it’s a thin line between stating your personal preference… and degrading what you dislike.
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# chaianyone 2010-02-02 03:27
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chaianyone said,

March 26, 2006 at 5:28 am

absolutely agree with pleinelune. the whole penis-envy thing or man-hating thing is totally useless and makes the woman look insecure. lesbians arent here to compete with men. if u woman wants to be with a man then you shouldnt be with her anyway cuz that means she isnt a lesbian.
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# xSpert 2010-02-02 03:27
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xSpert said,

May 19, 2006 at 7:08 pm

LOL This is nice article……..

The biggest advantage that women have over man is that know them better…….. while on the other hand is society that is forcing to be in strait relationship……. So it all ends up with personal choice/preferences……..
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