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When your girlfriend leaves you for a man
Articles - Humour
Written by Indu   
Tuesday, 04 July 2006 00:00

Inspired by a search referral of these precise words which hit on this blog, I thought, hey, since some loser dyke is already googling for this information, might as well give it to her.

Alright. So you are feeling like Bette Porter on The L Word, watching your (ex)girlfriend make out with a man she met two days ago [albeit, hopefully not with leprosy on his back] So what do you do? This is my top ten list of things to do, not necessarily in this order.

1. Get drunk. Not on beer, not on those cheap vodkas, but wine, until you are totally wallowing in depression [wine has that effect]

2. Watch all the gay movies from 'Desert Heart' to 'Brokeback Mountain' back to back with a box of Kleenex in your hand.

3. Go to a silent retreat and stay there until you attain Buddha. Escape from the silent retreat when you can't stand it anymore, and scream all the way down the mountain

4. Call up all your friends and whine to them about your ex who just turned into Tina.

5. Call up your ex and promise her you'll try strap-ons if she comes back

6. Go on a I-hate-men rampage, and yell at your poor male subordinate for being a stupid, egotistical, penis-driven a******

7. Decide on a vow of vengeance and chase your ex and her new boyfriend all over town with a knife, 'Girlfriend' style. Don't forget to jump off the building at the end.

8. After you are discharged out of the hospital with a whole-body cast [being a dumb lesbian, you only jumped off at the 3rd storey], spend three days crying as your bed faces the picture of you two together on the table.

9. After you get better, you smash that picture.

10. You spend the next two weeks putting it back together, cutting your hand in the process. Bandage, and get drunk to get over pain. Repeat all 10 steps until you have purged your grief.

Or, you could just move on a get a new girlfriend. Hopefully you have better taste this time.

Last Updated on Tuesday, 16 February 2010 16:22
 

Comments   

 
# snorkeem 2010-02-02 03:59
snorkeem said,

July 4, 2006 at 12:47 pm

Haha funny. But ouch.
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# onekell 2010-02-02 04:00
#

onekell said,

July 4, 2006 at 4:53 pm

Inspired by the L Word and other true-life stories?
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# pleinelunee 2010-02-02 04:00
#

pleinelune said,

July 4, 2006 at 7:56 pm

Actually, I made most of it up….

Come to think of it, and given what we now of lesbian drama… some of it probably DID happen to someone out there. Hahahaha…. maybe I should have put a disclaimer: “All actions and people mentioned are fictitious. Any resemblance to real persons, dead or living, is purely the fault of dyke drama”
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# rainbow chief 2010-02-02 04:00
#

rainbow chief said,

July 5, 2006 at 11:26 pm

As someone who has been through a relationship where my ex left me and later married a man, I find your posting insensitive, unhelpful and totally mocking in its tone. You have trivialised the pain which lesbians in this situation go through, with, by your own admission, things which you have made up. You could have added a useful piece of advice in your posting – don’t fall for straight women or try to convert them into something they are not.
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# pleinelunee 2010-02-02 04:00
#

pleinelune said,

July 6, 2006 at 1:03 am

Yes, I am mocking, but I wasn’t mocking you. I was insensitive, but only to snap people like you, out of it.

I wasn’t trying to give any sort of advice, in the first place, my dear. It was simply satire, all the way through… the “actions” are so outlandish, that it was NEVER meant to be taken seriously.

Do political cartoons offer solutions or advise? No, they caricature – and in doing so, put the issue in perspective. And possibly offer a good laugh. Lesbians need to stop taking themselves so seriously and learn to laugh at themselves once in a while.

And, if you had actually read it carefully, I was making fun of many a stereotype in the media about how lesbians are. :)
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# Dot My Thots 2010-02-02 04:00
#

Dot My Thots » Blog Archive » When your girlfriend leaves for another man said,

July 6, 2006 at 2:00 am

[...] Anyway, I was surfing the net again. Looking for interesting things to read about and I came across this article �When your girlfriend leaves for another man�. I thought, ok, that�s interesting enough to read what she/he got to say. [...]
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# snorkeem 2010-02-02 04:01
snorkeem said,

July 6, 2006 at 4:38 am

Hi rainbow chief. I’m sorry to hear about your pain. It must be really hard on you. Come chat with us in the forum at www.forum.sayoni.com.. maybe it’ll be good to talk about it.
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# onekell 2010-02-02 04:01
#

onekell said,

July 6, 2006 at 12:12 pm

Just scroll all the way up and click on Sayoni Forums at the top right corner of the window.
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# victoriasecret 2010-02-02 04:01
#

victoriasecret said,

July 6, 2006 at 12:36 pm

about leaving a woman for a man.. i think its common sense,,,, it is so much easier to do.. more acceptable.. one feels just doing the rigth thing by marrying a man.. =)
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# lublubb 2010-02-02 04:01
#

lublub said,

July 6, 2006 at 1:03 pm

VS, this is a lesbian forum, can u pls stop talking about marrying men?? Cos
WE
ARE
NOT
INTERESTED.
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# xSpert 2010-02-02 04:02
#

xSpert said,

July 6, 2006 at 7:38 pm

Heheheheheheheeeee last opinion is better, much less money spended :-)
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# hheartanime 2010-02-02 04:02
#

heartanime said,

August 17, 2006 at 2:55 pm

Hello there! I’ve never came across those lesbos blogs before so it’s reallie a great eye-opener for mi who’s still ‘new to queer world’ although i’m a member of sayoni since june. ^^
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# mmagixstar 2010-02-02 04:02
#

magixstar said,

February 21, 2007 at 4:52 pm

I find this article absolutely true and hilarious!

cheerioes!

Rainbow Chief, its a little hard to get over things like this but life is to short to hold onto pain and grief when it could be filled with love. :)
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# ballsdanglin 2010-02-02 04:02
#

ballsdanglin said,

November 6, 2009 at 8:13 am

dumbass misguided dykes!
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# shax2 2010-02-02 04:02
#

shax2 said,

January 20, 2010 at 12:22 am

3 types of people
1. move forward from the break off event
2. constantly reminding herself of what happen to satisfy her sexual imagination
3. the more the merrier
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