|When your girlfriend leaves you for a man|
|Articles - Humour|
|Written by Indu|
|Tuesday, 04 July 2006 00:00|
Inspired by a search referral of these precise words which hit on this blog, I thought, hey, since some loser dyke is already googling for this information, might as well give it to her.
Alright. So you are feeling like Bette Porter on The L Word, watching your (ex)girlfriend make out with a man she met two days ago [albeit, hopefully not with leprosy on his back] So what do you do? This is my top ten list of things to do, not necessarily in this order.
1. Get drunk. Not on beer, not on those cheap vodkas, but wine, until you are totally wallowing in depression [wine has that effect]
2. Watch all the gay movies from 'Desert Heart' to 'Brokeback Mountain' back to back with a box of Kleenex in your hand.
3. Go to a silent retreat and stay there until you attain Buddha. Escape from the silent retreat when you can't stand it anymore, and scream all the way down the mountain
4. Call up all your friends and whine to them about your ex who just turned into Tina.
5. Call up your ex and promise her you'll try strap-ons if she comes back
6. Go on a I-hate-men rampage, and yell at your poor male subordinate for being a stupid, egotistical, penis-driven a******
7. Decide on a vow of vengeance and chase your ex and her new boyfriend all over town with a knife, 'Girlfriend' style. Don't forget to jump off the building at the end.
8. After you are discharged out of the hospital with a whole-body cast [being a dumb lesbian, you only jumped off at the 3rd storey], spend three days crying as your bed faces the picture of you two together on the table.
9. After you get better, you smash that picture.
10. You spend the next two weeks putting it back together, cutting your hand in the process. Bandage, and get drunk to get over pain. Repeat all 10 steps until you have purged your grief.
Or, you could just move on a get a new girlfriend. Hopefully you have better taste this time.
|Last Updated on Tuesday, 16 February 2010 16:22|