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Sayoni is a Singapore-based feminist, volunteer-run organisation that works to uphold human rights protections for queer women, including lesbian, bisexual and transgender women. We organise and advocate for equality in well-being and dignity regardless of sexual orientation, gender identity/expression and sex characteristics.

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  • 1

straight-loving teen, 18


4.

The brief period prior to my university education was a giant leap in terms of my sexual enlightenment. During the six months which I spent temping in a 9 to 5 job, away from the sheltered realms of academic pursuits and naive friendships, I grew in my disposition as a young adult. I met and worked with adults of motley personalities and a few of whom introduced me to a completely different world from which I emerged. It was my coming-of-age phase of my life. Some of these characters were of the male variety and who, apologies to all men, typified the boorish primal mentality of what is innately male. A couple of them repulsed me with their authoritarian, patriarchal bearings while another displayed the groveling sniveling manner and yet another the presumptuous capacity to infringe and even encroach on one’s personal space by virtue of his gender. Although one of them did show me how to appreciate the bestial pleasures of sexual intercourse, albeit for a brief three minutes, I quickly realised that all these pleasures were after all, transient and hence lacking in substance.

In the midst of all the confusing flux of sexual revelations, I met this wonderful divorced single mother of an 8 year-old daughter who was a panacea to an often bruised ego as a result of my frequent disenchanting male relationships. I sought her wisdom of experience and she would dispense valuable advice, assuring me of my ‘marketable’ status and how promising a future I had. She was a positive force in the otherwise dreary existence of ugly office politics filled with pretentious conversations and contrived social activities. But I never perceived that the attraction I felt for her was so profound until the day I left the job to start on my university course. Her remarks will be eternally etched in my mind because of it’s ambivalently pleasant and disturbing nature. She said in parting that she would never forget our ’special understanding’ and if we weren’t in the conspicuous setting of the office, she would have kissed me. I accepted her gift then and left in awkward abruptness. And the whole of that day I found myself laden with a heaviness of heart. I didn’t know why I was so attached to a person I had only known for half a year — had she awaken in me the co-dependency only shared between lovers? I was too afraid then to acknowledge the possible truth of that inkling for I knew that I could be exploring realities in a Pandora’s Box.

19, with my emotional mentor at work

Coming up…Part 3

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