The next thing we argued about is: about how conservative society is and whether it should be. I had to tell her about the phenomenon in the world. Why are gay groups standing up for themselves world-wide? Just because she doesn’t know of them doesn’t mean such events ain’t happening. This little speech didn’t go down very well with Mum who sarcastically replied, ‘Ya, i know nothing; you know everything!’ [I took this as ‘I don’t know what to say because i know nuts about what you just mentioned.’]
Most absurd of all, she wanted to challenge me on my sexual orientation. ‘You aren t lesbian. You made yourself lesbian so that you can enter this circle.’ *Har?* I didn’t know i had such prowess as to amend my orientation! The ex-gays would recruit me and i would be paid $30 000- $50 000 for each person i managed to change. [I bet they are willing to part with that amount for all the condemnation sh*t they get from church.] I had to refrain from rolling my eyes. I am hedonic. Do you think i will be with women if i find no physical chemistry with them?!
At the end of it all, Mum suggested a truce.
Mum: Just don’t tell me about it.
Me: Then you won t know about my life and what i am doing. What kind of a mother-daughter relationship is that?
She’s still in denial.
It s a little pussy-foot dance that she has been doing for the past few years.
Anj, i thought your Mum always get her way with you?
Not when it comes to fundamental aspects of me and for issues that are for the better good of other lives. People have killed themselves over homophobia [read: ignorance] and the resulting hostility directed at them. How can we condone this?
As a result, i refused to say that Dino s girlfriend is only her friend. I say it as it is. Judy is my girlfriend. She s not just a friend. And for every inaccurate remark Mum makes about homosexuality, i am quick to correct her with what i know from research and the news. That’s just the way it is. There has to be accountability to words. If education doesn’t start from my family and friends, i don’t know where it can.
Comments
Happymerlion said,
July 3, 2007 at 8:39 pm
Hi Anj, Thanks for sharing. Hope that ur mum will truly see that u are indeed a good daughter. I think parents of gay children will need a support group to help them ease their anxieties and increase their levels of awareness and understanding. To assure them that they are not alone in their struggles of coming to terms with their gay children. Maybe some day, sayoni can have a get together for all our parents and family members.
btw, the gays giving out toasters for recruitment, the ex-gays may be contesting with waffles makers :)
Nudibranch said,
July 5, 2007 at 9:29 am
What a wonderful & refreshing read. Bring a wry smile to my face. Abt the $ that can be earned from church (heh heh, wringing fingers) and your last sentence. You can’t fault your mom for ‘trying’. Afterall she’s a reflection of her circle of influence/hope & parents who has to grapple harder with acceptance of straight looking gay/lesbian children. I know your influence/educating will change her & her circle of influence to be better informed pp of glbt community. Just be gentle on d reversal of educator-role with parents. Many have egos that choke them from swallowing ‘lessons’. And it goes BOTH ways for those of us coming out as well..
YukiChoe said,
July 16, 2007 at 2:48 am
I stumbled back here, and your thoughts in writing never cease to amaze me, Anj. You could not have put it in writing any better. It is a challenge we all have to face, is it not? The part you mentioned about ex-gay recruitment is hillarious but true. Ironically, the Real Love Ministry director also tried to make me their poster EX-transsexual girl last year, but did not succeed.
There is an incredible link here. Both the RLM director and my parents called me a fool when I said I am God’s daughter and their daughter respectively. It is really depressing when they believe they are educated enough to judge. But the reality is, ALL of us, should never stop learning.
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