Dear Confused Student,

It is quite common for people to develop crushes on someone who is perceived to be a mentor figure in their lives. Given that you have been spending some time together and are able to click with each other, it is not surprising to find out that you have developed a liking for her.

The question now is whether or not you should pursue these feelings.

It is never easy to find out whether or not someone is gay or straight. There are no foolproof tell-tale signs or traits. For some people, they may even deny being gay if they are not comfortable with being out to you. Therefore, what I would suggest is to slowly sound her out. You have expressed that it is easy for you to be open with each other, so you can begin by asking her what kind of people she likes to date. You could also ask what she is looking for in an ideal partner and what she finds attractive. In return, you could share with her on how you have met women whom you are attracted to. This will allow her to know that you are open to the idea of being gay and it may be the door to her opening up to you.

Taking her cue from these conversations, you should be able to derive if she is gay. If she is not, you will now know that your feelings will not be reciprocated and can move on. If she is, then you will have to decide on how to proceed from here.

I would suggest that you do not pursue this until it is firmly established that you have a friendship outside of the student-teacher relationship. For most people who are in a teacher position, it is considered unethical and unprofessional to date their students. It may also cause unnecessary awkwardness between you both.

If you are both in the agreement that you are now friends instead of simply being student and teacher, then it would be easier to approach her and express the feelings you have for her. However, do keep in mind that as with every crush, there is a chance that she feels nothing but friendship for you. Either way, you must be prepared for the repercussions on your student-teacher relationship. You may want to hold off telling her until you have completed the course you are taking.

I hope the above advice helps and look forward to hearing good news from you

Ling

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